Random thoughts from a BAD DAY by Justin
I've had a bad day, the following rant is a direct result. It is my
small list of what pisses off your motorcycle mechanic. Many of which should
be grounds for justifiable homicide. It's not exactly in list form, it's
If you have a Japanese bike, and you lose a bolt, please buy the correct size. Don't go down to Jims hardware and find one "close enough" that is SAE and hog it in there.
- Don't add every electric gizmo you can find in a J.C. Whitney catalog
to your bike then bring it to me to find out why it doesn't charge very
well, why one turn signal blinks too fast and one too slow, the horn button
makes the tail light go out, and the headlight is dim. You should have though
of that before you added the microwave and espresso machine.
- Along those same lines, if you do choose to install your own electrical
gear, leave the friggin wire nuts in the tool box. You're not adding a
220 line for a stove, wire nuts are not the way to go. Solder and heat
shrink is how it's done. Electrical tape is also worthless, but I will
understand that not everyone wants to take the time to use heat shrink, but it
better not be covering bare twisted wires, solder those bad boys!
- If I remove a dry wall screw from your bike, you better have after
market dry wall accessories. If it was screwed into plastic, I'm gonna hit you
with a ball peen hammer.
- Don't accuse me of the dumbest crimes known to man. True story, a guy
drops his quad off to have the carb cleaned. Work goes off without a hitch.
But I notice that all four tires are low. I don't fill them, I never do unless
asked, some people prefer less pressure in their tires for traction.
When the quad is picked up, the owner remarks, "hey the tires are low", I
say, yes, would you like me to fill them? He says "They weren't like that
when I dropped it off! Why did you guys lower my air pressure?" Well sir the
tires on my CBR were running a few PSI low so I stole some of your air, I
didn't think you'd notice. Damn, I got busted again.
- If you have a problem, and you diagnose it, then decide the proper fix,
please inform me of why you believe that fix is needed, if not, don't be
suprised if it doesn't fix the problem. For example: Billy Bob notices a
ticking noise when he is riding. He hears lots of talk about "valve
adjustment" on the internet, so he decides thats his answer. Instead of
dropping off the bike and saying, "find out whats ticking and stop it"
He says" Please adjust my valves". Ok. So I adjust them. I take the bike
for a test ride and notice a ticking sound, I make a note of it on his bill so
he is aware of the problem, I think it's wheel bearing. He picks the bike
up and is royally pissed. It still ticks! He approaches, with a very red
face and asks why his bike still ticks after paying good money for a valve
adjustment. Well sir, because, it wasn't here to have a tick fixed, it
was here for a valve adjustment. I didn't know about the tick until after I
was done and rode the bike. No, you don't get the valve adjustment for free,
you asked for it and you got it. No I won't fix the bearing for free
- How about this one. Guy spends the better part of an hour asking me
questions about replacing his charging rotor on a CB750. How to diagnose
it is the culprit, how to get to it, how to pull it, everything. After
explaining it all to him, I mention that it's an easy job that only
takes a few min, plus we have the puller thats is needed. it would only cost a
few bucks to have us do it and he'd be back on his bike this afternoon. A
shocked look comes over his face, he informs me that he doesn't trust
mechanics to fix his bike. I guess he does trust their advice though. He
would be calling later to have us do it, only now the threads of the
shaft the rotors on will need repaired since he tried in vain to remove it
without the special puller.
- Hey, Elmer, how about you hose the at least the largest clumps of mud
and cow manure off your quad before you bring it in for repair?
- While we're at it, if your getting a tire change, try not to roll
through any dog shit on your way to loading it in the truck.
- "Gee whiz, I don't know why it won't start. It was running fine when I
parked it three years ago. Maybe I need to spray more ether in there.
The last mechanic that worked on it must have screwed something up."
- If you call me three times to find out why your new machine won't run,
don't be insulted if I ask you to make sure the engine switch is in the
"on" position. If you have no luck, load the machine up and drive it to
the shop, don't be mad at me if the switch is in fact switched to off.
- Don't inform me that at my age, I really should be riding a different
style of bike, should be married, or should have a different job. At your age
you should be walking with a cane, want me to bust your knee cap?
- If your in for a state inspection, please don't tell me you'd rather I
didn't ride your bike. First of all, I can ride. I own a few bikes, have
for a few years. I have my license to ride bikes, and I work all day
with bikes. I ride dressers, Goldwings, sportbikes, choppers, sidecar rigs
and three wheelers. Not only that but the law requires me to ride anything I
put an inspection sticker on. If you don't want me to ride it, fine, I
understand, but your not getting an inspection sticker, sorry.
This is getting kind of long, when I started, I figured I'd run out of
them, but they could keep coming all night, so I'll stop now. Sorry, I
needed to vent.